This has been written to act as a reminder for the next grading, to be learned from and to make progress from because as Steve always rightly reminds us, we are a work in progress.
BEFORE
Whilst grading and testing is nothing new to me, I still let the feelings of performance anxiety and failing in the perception of my peers and Steve creep in. In retrospect, I let the process take over my thinking. I have a deep respect for the lads at the club and Steve and their honest approach to martial arts – there is no place for bullshit or ego. You could say it is confirmation bias (which it is) because myself and the other lads buy into what Steve is trying to achieve and teach. I have been fortunate to train with some remarkable martial artists, notably Martin Workman and Lee Aylet – whom I respect and have been deeply inspired by - but I believe that I have made more progress and been technically refined under Steve’s tutelage for than any other. The point is, I am emotionally invested in this club because I want to be on the same, if not better level than the lads I train with. I don’t want to let myself down, my training partners or Steve.
Regarding the specifics of the grading, I was most anxious about remembering the 5 different punch defences to the jab and the cross. Every time I entered my bathroom, I would go through each of the 5 to embed them to memory as well as using visualisation and verbal rehearsal. I wrote them down, tried using mnemonics too.
On the day, I kept remembering how I just wanted to get it started and was not living the day in the moment. Steph said I was clearly mentally occupied, perhaps because I was off work and thus not engaged in playing lion tamer to a room full of kids. I remember sitting down and checking my heart rate when I sat down at the club at 7.45pm; 90bpm. Fucking ridiculous. I tried to slow my breathing down because I knew this would drain me as I could already feel slow adrenal release
PROCESS TARGET:
Spend equal mental focus on each aspect of the grading, give all aspects equal weighting.
Address any anxiety and question why it is there? Then consider the worse-case scenario and be at peace with that.
Consider what is the obstacle and what can I learn from it?
DURING
There were different levels of anxiety throughout that I experienced. For example, in the footwork section I felt really confident because this was something I have made a process habit. If I can move my feet well then that will put in me in better positions. Footwork is key.
Then it was nemesis time – the punch defences. And I now realise that applying this pressure to myself to this one aspect made me tighter and over thinking because my range was more, even several of my ABC’s were woeful at best. The ability to flow was not to be seen. Regarding the rest of the material, I felt really well prepared because I had turned up to class regularly and put in the time at home.
Is it natural to feel better at some things other than others? Perhaps.
Working on the Thai pads was physically hard because they are so unforgiving. I wanted to make sure that I was not going all out but trying to be technically reasonable. After some rounds of 2 count work, it was time for pyramid round kicks sets to 5. I heard and glimpsed James and Charlie doing this the week before in their grading so I fought my perceptions to focus on one thing at a time – the sensation of quickly diminishing energy whilst trying to keep the hands up and be on the toes.
PROCESS TARGET:
Relax, flow and breathe – believe in the practise that has been put in, most of the mistakes have been made in the learning process in class. If you make a mistake, move on and make the next attempt better.
Get fitter and improve the cardio – practise pyramid sets on the tyres. Incorporate boxing’kickboxing cardio sessions each week for specific fitness improvement.
AFTER
Relief: it was over and all the hard work was worth it.
Happiness: achieving the goal of red belt because of the hard work that was put it, it was truly earned.
Improvements: listening to Steve’s feedback about what needs to be refined.
PROCESS TARGET:
Make the improvements part of my practise – write them down, know them, work on them.
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